HOW TO KNOW IF HE’S/SHE’S THE ONE

HOW TO KNOW IF HE’S/SHE’S THE ONE

When we were younger, we were made to believe fairy tale endings, “happy ever after”. When we grow older we fancied on romantic movies and novels. Then we have to snap back to reality. Those fancy things are just written by the same hopeless romantic writers like we all do. We do all search for a partner whom we can be with for the rest of our lives, whom we can share happiness and sadness, bitterness and success. In our quest for a great love story, we may stumble upon few people who for once, we thought could be the “one”, and yet end up just like any other passerby.

I know a couple who has just got married and just by merely looking at them together you can already tell that they were meant to be. I mean, their differences made it compatible that’s why they ended up marrying each other.

And then this other couple who have been together for like ten years and broke up! Imagining the years they were together with all the hardships they went through are now shattered up by just a single snap.

Now, the question is, how can we discern that the person we are having a relationship to, is the one you want to spend the rest your life with?

1.      Your relationship is healthy. There are relationships that are too monotonous, others are overly achieving and some are competitive. A healthy relationship is when both partners are supporters of each other. When both of you understands and heeds each other’s needs, that there’s no words to be spoken because one can sense that there is something wrong.

2.      He/She listens to you. The relationship is not one-sided. The other party listens while the other one is talking and vice versa.

3.      He/She respects you. Respect begets Trust and Love. Someone who respects you as a partner and as an individual is someone you can be assured of a happy marriage.

4.      He/She doesn’t have to put his/her best foot forward. A person who shows you his/her real self is someone you can entrust your life into, without worrying that the marriage you thought would be magical might turn out into a nightmare.

5.      He is respectful to his mother/ She is obedient to her parents. If you want to know the real attitude of your soon to be partner, observe how he/she behaves when he/she is with his/her family. People are more real when they are at their own homes.

6.      He/She is not controlling you. Do not settle for someone who wants to take control of your life. Always remember that you are born with free will, and no one can take that right from you.

7.      He/She is your bestfriend. The best relationships are those pillared in friendship. Intimacy will soon fade away as you grow older, and the only thing that’ll be left is your friendship. So be sure that this person is the one you can always confide secrets with and that you’re comfortable with him/her.

8.      You see your life with him/her years from now. There is nothing more sweetly and promising than seeing a life with the one you truly love, so if that’s what you see your life to be, then go for it.

Steps to help you move on

Steps to help you move on


“Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go.. Knowing me, knowing you is the best I can do” a heart breaking song from ABBA (one of my favourite songs actually!). Breaking up is probably one of the most difficult emotional turmoil a person has to undergo and no one is ever exempted from it. After all the happy moments, sad moments, all the memories you have had suddenly ends and that you’ll have to face the world alone, the pain is somewhat excruciating that you’d rather be injured physically (because physical trauma may heal), than being bombarded with the feeling of emotional hurt over and over again.

Below is the DABDA theory of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, this may seem a little awkward because this theory is originally a theory of coping death, but I sense that these stages did happen when I had my first break up, and I thought it would be nice to share it with you. Then on the later part, I will give good tips on how to move on.

1.    Denial.
When we are confronted with unwanted emotional circumstances, we tend to deny that it is happening. We remove the thought that the relationship you have had is near ending and there is nothing more you can do about it.

2.    Anger.
When we cannot deny the truth and it is really happening, we tend to be angry..right? We get angry to the person we had offered the last months or years of our life, or perhaps we blame ourselves for the outcome of what was once you happiness.

3.    Bargain.
The stages doesn’t necessarily follow, but part of accepting the reality is bargaining. What ifs and If only are few of the words that will pop out. “If only I have been this kind, we would have not ended like this” or “What if I would this beautiful or sexy; maybe he’ll have second thoughts”. In this stage we tend to feel that there is still hope in fixing the relationship, thinking or what ifs and if only can patch up.

4.    Depression.
Our tendency when emotional circumstances arise is to shy away from people, be withdrawn, keeping yourself from others and be lonely. You get to experience the feeling of having no reason to wake up each morning and no reason to smile. Who wouldn’t be sad? The very person you thought you had offered your smiles to and shared your happiness with, suddenly gets out of your life. And it is this very feeling that you would you would never love again.

5.    Acceptance.
The final stage and definitely the most rewarding! This is when you finally realize that there is life beyond what has been for the past months/years and that losing the person meant giving you the opportunity to find the right one.

Here are some few good steps in moving on, you may or may not take the steps as it is. Have it modified, if you want to. Just choose what would probably help you cope with the pain:

1.    Get a hold with God, your family and friends. My constant listener the time I was broken was God. Every night I prayed that He will heal my heart, and slowly He did. Your family and friends is the very people you can turn to. Always seek their advices, always ask for their guidance and make happy moments with them.

2.    Acceptance is really not something we can make up our minds easily, as I stated above; it had to go undergo stages before you accept the reality. Acknowledge the truth that it is happening, deny it if you have to, but do not shy away completely from reality.

3.    It is a common adaptation to keep ourselves busy, and it really works! The break-up I have had did get me into the stages of anger, bargaining and depression, and keeping myself busy is one way of coping these stages.

4.    Discipline yourself not to get in contact with him/her or at least reduce the communication. Ex’s are called exs because they are already existent in the past. There is no more viable reason why you should communicate. Do not think that it’s a gesture of bitterness; it’s just a way of moving on and is something he/she should acknowledge.

5.    Rejuvenate yourself. Have a haircut, change your hairstyle or just pamper yourself. Its way of telling yourself that you have risen from a deep sleep and you are invigorated to a new you.

6.    If the end is something that is not clear between you and you are still hoping, get the closure. It’s best that you hear it directly from him/her. My acceptance of the break-up happened when he did confront me that he found a new love, that made me stop and moved on literally.

7.     The pain itself is excruciating, but believe in the saying that, “you have to feel the pain until it hurts no more.” You’ll find yourself getting used to the feeling and eventually realize that you already had moved on.

8.    Your relationship ended because you are not meant for each other. Recognize the thought that there is someone out there who is better than him/her. Meet new people. It’s not dating, it’s just accepting possibilities of a new love, if ever.
It is natural for us to go through sadness sometimes because life would be monotonous if we won’t feel other emotions than being happy. That’s why it’s called life, where you live with a variety of people; experience multiple events because only on this we would grow as a person.


See also
Breakup Survival Guide

Grooming Must Haves for Men

GROOMING MUST HAVES FOR MEN


In the perspective of a woman, although attitude is what matters most, they do also count on physical features, specifically grooming. Grooming entails not being too vain, but speaks to a woman that a guy who is well-groomed is a guy who is well-mannered.Men don’t have to be as handsome like Brad Pitt, and it’s not absolutely necessary for them to have the six-packabs to get the girls gaga over him.There are just these simple rules that women look for in a guy for a first impression:

1.    Most women prefer men without beards and goatees. It’s a bit turn off for a guy with unshaved beard and with goatees clinging in his chin. Here’s the thing, you don’t have to shave entirely those hairs, as these features make you manly, but please do check it every now and then if it has grown too much.

2.    Our noses do have hairs that grow inside, but please do see a mirror when you feel some of it pops out in the open.

3.    There’s a certain part of a guy that is somewhat metrosexual, they can be vain at times. But it’s sort of a turn off if aguy’s face is whiter than his actual skin tone – he’s looking more like a vampire!

4.    Dress neatly and by this, it means have your clothes ironed. Women would fall for guys who look and appear neat. He, in the eyes of the women, already smells sweet even without any perfumes.

5.    Check your nails. Though women don’t look at your fingernails immediately but if in cases you give her something and she accidentally saw your nails untrimmed and dirty, expect her to think twice on your grooming habits, even if you’re looking drop dead gorgeous!

6.    Have your hairs done. Women are vain in terms of hair getups, and it’s no question why they would also love to see you with your hair neatly done. You don’t have to put on too much gels or clays, just make it look simple and tidy.

7.    Check on your breath. Even if you have the sweetest smile, or looking so handsome but your breath smells horrible, expect that woman to never talk to you ever again. Even if she’d do, expect her to faint because of holding her breath for long!

8.    Body Odour is the Total Turn Off! There are these women who find men sexy when they are sweating, but sweating with an uncontrolled odour is way disgusting! Always have perfumes on hand, in case you’ll feel that you smell offbeat.

9.    Cleaned shoes. This may be too much to ask, but it’s a part of preying yourself to women. Good looking guys are always beaten by well-groomed men.

10.    Hold yourself like a gentleman. What you are as a man would reflect on your physical aura. Women can tell if he or she is dealing with a good guy with the way you hold yourself.

What do girls want in a relationship

What Do Girls Want In A Relationship?

Being in a relationship is a good thing, right? Loving someone and be loved in return is probably one of the best feelings in this world and is certainly priceless. Both man and woman have their own responsibilities to keep the relationship going, amidst trials. Trials are meant to make the relationship strong, and it tests how each party could hold on to the feeling. During these trials you can assess yourself how far you can go with the person you are with.

In the beginning, before a relationship could ever be formed, boys have the conscientiousness to woe the girl he likes. It is during this time that boys are being assessed on how consistent and truthful he is to the girl. When a relationship is already formed, both parties should carry on the relationship together. It is neither the girl alone nor the boy alone to handle it. So for you guys, here are some tips for you to know and understand to keep your relationship going.

1. Be Consistent. Consistency is one of the girls look for in a relationship, she fell for the efforts you have made to win her, be the same when you already have her, don’t be too complacent. Do not change just because she already said “yes” to you. Instead, do more than what you did while you’re still courting her.

2. Be Faithful. Being faithful is like fulfilling a promise. Girls are more likely to be clingy to every word a boy utters, so be very careful when you utter promises, because it’s a sure that girls would hold on to this.

3. Be Honest. There is no better way to start a good relationship than being honest with each other. Be honest with everything that you do for her. In honesty, you will gain her trust.

4. Make her feel special often. A long term relationship may turn out to be monotonous and can be a bit boring. Put up a little spark by doing surprises and or gift-giving, girls always love sweet surprises.

5. Respect her. Respect her decisions, respect whatever she says. Give her time to utter words, you might dislike and take it (if it’s your fault). Respect her as a woman, like respecting your own mother.

6. Be sensitive to her feelings. Girls are highly emotional. They can be moody very often for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, you need not to pacify her all the time. Just be sensitive. Know when she’s mad, determine when she’s not in the mood, and make her laugh if there’s a chance, listen to her when she needs it. Non-verbal communications of girls are more common, so be keen enough to determine it. One is silence, when she’s silent than usual, it’s better that you ask her why, all she wanted is a guy who knows her needs without being told.

7. Be supportive. Do not antagonize, just because what she wanted is against yours. Though you are in a relationship, always remember you two are still separate individuals and have different lives, so be supportive with whatever she indulges herself into.

8. Be her Best friend at times. It is healthy for a relationship to treat each other as friends as well, not just sweet lovers. Keep her secrets, if she tells you. Girls are gossipy so it’s sort of sweet for a guy to talk to her like one of her girl friends.

9. Create memories with her. Do extraordinary things that would make memorable moments. It would probably be the sweetest for a guy to be generous and full of surprises.

10. Be proud that you have her. It is endearing to have a guy that is not only happy because he has her but is also proud that he’s his girl. Let her meet, greet and bond with your family and friends.

Relationships are not carried only by the boys alone, because it is a shared task. However, there are a lot of instances where boys neglect their girls because they already feel secured of the relationship. Girls must be treated like jewels, just like the song of James Ingram, “Find One Hundred Ways”.